Sunday, December 21, 2008
Stand In The Rain
"Stand In The Rain" by Superchic[k]
It seriously does not seem worth it.
Crying all the time, after something happens.
It's getting ridiculous.
I'm sick because of him.
I feel this way because of him.
Is it worth it anymore?
Someday, are we gonna show up on Dr. Phil because we won't be able to get through this?
Our relationship is soon to be ruined.
There is no way to patch it back up if he doesn't want to try.
I want everything to be better.
I want to do anything to make it better, but it doesn't seem like he wants to try.
Why try then?
My throat is swollen.
My eyes are red.
Mascara streaks ran down my face.
Twoo hours of crying.
I want it to rain.
So I can just stand there and cry.
No one will know.
No one will think that is what I am really doing.
Why? Why?
This has lasted for almost a year.
It hasn't gotten any better.
What can I do to make it better?
I want to erase everything that happened.
Everyone says it's not my fault.
He's turning the tables.
It wasn't my fault, he thinks that it is.
I can't believe that it really lasted this long.
Twoo hours of crying.
There has been other times.
This is the last time he will do this.
I'm not gonna let him destroy my feelings.
He says I only call him when I want something.
That is true.
But why would I want to call him when he keeps scaring me away from him.
Whenever he gets mad at me, time freezes.
I can't think of anything to say.
That's why he always wins.
I want to tell him how I really feel.
How would I do that?
I want everything to go back how it was years ago.
Visiting him every other week to every time I can.
He used to always call me.
Every single day.
I was being suffocated.
So I guess eventually kept ignoring him.
Then he eventually quit trying..
So maybe I am at fault a little bit.
But he got annoying.
I never had anything new to tell him.
The conversations were boring and old.
I thought maybe if I called him on my own terms,
I would have something to tell him.
But it lead to this.
In the beginning of this year,
when I haven't talked to him for almost 4-5 months,
was alright.
Everyone thought it was okay.
But I was trying to runaway from my problems.
It just made things worse.
Unless, he is wrong.
It's not my fault.
I have my step dad here.
I can't call him "Dad".
I did when I was younger and my dad found out & got mad.
If I did call him "Dad", I would see my dad's face.
Anger.
Pain.
I don't want to replace my dad in my ♥.
But it wouldn't be a replacement.
Just saying who really is acting as one.
P.S. I love you. And I always will, Dad.
to be continued...
(Hey, sorry if no one understood what I was writing. At the time, I was really angry and upset. Everything didn't flow out, it poured out. The music video above is a really good song that I thought goes with the poem.)
I LOVE GARIN 8:25 PM
